Remus Lupin and Nymphadora Tonks. Letters sent and received.
Tonks,
Molly tells me you haven’t been eating. She says that you sleep fitfully, can’t concentrate and that you’re even having trouble exercising your Metamorphmagus powers. Tonks, I know you loved Padfoot – we all did, but you cannot blame yourself forever.
You and I both know that Sirius coming to help the Order of the Phoenix that night was reckless. He should have stayed at Headquarters for his own protection – but Sirius was always far too rash and ready for an adventure. I remember at school, he would come and search for me when it was time for the full moon and keep an eye on me to make sure I was safe from the creatures of the Forbidden Forest. If I would have seen him whilst in my Werewolf form, whether as a human or an animagus, I wouldn't have hesitated to kill him. I was dangerous under the full moon, but that didn't stop him risking his life for his friend. Sirius was a Gryffindor in heart and in soul. In fact, I believe that Sirius would be rather pleased with his death. He died in battle, fighting for the ones that he loved and for a worthy cause. It is the death he deserved, rather than dying in a cold hard cell in Azkaban for a crime of which he did not commit. The only regret he will have will be not killing more Death Eaters on his way out.
I loved Sirius Black like a brother. He was my best, most trusted, faithful friend. When I watched him die, a piece of me seemed to rot away and I realized just how much loss this War would bring us. I had only just got my friend back after his imprizonment, and now he was to leave me again. Ever since I have been haunted, some have even suggested I look disheveled. What do they expect from someone hunting Death Eaters night and day! The truth is that I am exhausted. I have searched endlessly for a cure for this enduring misery and have come to only one conclusion: we have to fight for what is right. Sirius’ death will only be wasted if we give in to He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. If we allow him and his Death Eater’s to take over the Wizarding World then Sirius shall have died for nothing. The Order of The Phoenix cannot do it without you, Tonks. We need you. You're a smart woman, headstrong and fierece. With your acute ability to disguise yourself, you are cherishable - a most valued Auror, and a most valued friend; not just to us all, but to Sirius too, wherever he may be.
As for me? I’m still waiting for the day that Bellatrix Lestrange reaches a nasty end. It would be a great comfort to be able to look up into the sky where Sirius and James now regrettably reside, and to whisper ‘Mischief Managed’ once more.
Please get better, Tonks. For me. Look after yourself.
Remus Lupin.
Molly tells me you haven’t been eating. She says that you sleep fitfully, can’t concentrate and that you’re even having trouble exercising your Metamorphmagus powers. Tonks, I know you loved Padfoot – we all did, but you cannot blame yourself forever.
You and I both know that Sirius coming to help the Order of the Phoenix that night was reckless. He should have stayed at Headquarters for his own protection – but Sirius was always far too rash and ready for an adventure. I remember at school, he would come and search for me when it was time for the full moon and keep an eye on me to make sure I was safe from the creatures of the Forbidden Forest. If I would have seen him whilst in my Werewolf form, whether as a human or an animagus, I wouldn't have hesitated to kill him. I was dangerous under the full moon, but that didn't stop him risking his life for his friend. Sirius was a Gryffindor in heart and in soul. In fact, I believe that Sirius would be rather pleased with his death. He died in battle, fighting for the ones that he loved and for a worthy cause. It is the death he deserved, rather than dying in a cold hard cell in Azkaban for a crime of which he did not commit. The only regret he will have will be not killing more Death Eaters on his way out.
I loved Sirius Black like a brother. He was my best, most trusted, faithful friend. When I watched him die, a piece of me seemed to rot away and I realized just how much loss this War would bring us. I had only just got my friend back after his imprizonment, and now he was to leave me again. Ever since I have been haunted, some have even suggested I look disheveled. What do they expect from someone hunting Death Eaters night and day! The truth is that I am exhausted. I have searched endlessly for a cure for this enduring misery and have come to only one conclusion: we have to fight for what is right. Sirius’ death will only be wasted if we give in to He-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named. If we allow him and his Death Eater’s to take over the Wizarding World then Sirius shall have died for nothing. The Order of The Phoenix cannot do it without you, Tonks. We need you. You're a smart woman, headstrong and fierece. With your acute ability to disguise yourself, you are cherishable - a most valued Auror, and a most valued friend; not just to us all, but to Sirius too, wherever he may be.
As for me? I’m still waiting for the day that Bellatrix Lestrange reaches a nasty end. It would be a great comfort to be able to look up into the sky where Sirius and James now regrettably reside, and to whisper ‘Mischief Managed’ once more.
Please get better, Tonks. For me. Look after yourself.
Remus Lupin.
My dear Remus,
Sirius’ death has affected my life like it's affected everyone else’s in The Order. I'm devastated by his loss, but my morale isn't waning. I'm as committed to our cause as ever. In fact, his death has made me even more determined to get rid my scum of an Aunt. I can barely hear her name without feeling my blood boil. Don't you dare suggest that I would give up on the Wizarding World like that! You think that it's Sirius' Death that is haunting me? I'd have thought that you had more intelligence than that, once being a Hogwarts Professor and all. It is you, Remus Lupin, who is tearing me apart.
Remus, I can’t pretend anymore. I love you. I know that the Dark Lord has returned, that War will soon begin and that the world is falling apart, and I still love you. The worst part is that you know that. You know that I love you, and that's why you wrote to me - but you can't change my feelings and you can't change yours either! I know you feel the same way. You can't just pretend like nothing's happened between us. It's an insult to me, to us, and what we had. What we still have.
I can’t think of anything but you and the times we shared together at Grimauld Place. I didn’t realise how much I'd miss you when we parted. I thought I could be stronger, but now that you're not here with me I just ache in a way I never knew I was capable of feeling. I’ve tried to eat, tried to sleep, I’ve tried to get on with my life as if nothing has changed but you've become a part of me and I fret over your safety day and night. I know it's irrational. You're an intelligent man - with far more experience in the Defence of the Dark Arts than a freshly trrained Auror - but I just wishI could be there fighting with you. I don't know why you insist on me staying at The Burrow with the Weasleys. That's not where I belong. At night I dream that somebody will kill you in battle and that I won’t be there to save you. Molly helps me. She encourages me to get on with day to day tasks, and if it wasn’t for her and the Weasley’s exceptional kindness I honestly don’t know where I would be. I sit by the window most days, hoping to see an Owl from you, praying that it won't be a message of your death. But then I remember that I am not your girlfriend, not your wife, not anything. Why would anyone send me a letter if anything happened to you? It's not right. I can't go on like this. I just can't.
When I see you next, I'll show you my Patronus. Its form has changed. It is now a large and rather shaggy wolf, a permanent symbol of my love for you even if you choose to ignore it. No matter how much hurt enters our lives, the love I feel for you will still remain. Remember exactly what you're fighting for Remus: love. Give in Remus. Be with me.
Please think of me whilst you're gone, and when things get hard remember what we share. I certainly will. Please find the time to visit soon. Molly wants to put on a large dinner for friends and family before the kids go off to school again. She wants to see you there - Mad-Eye and Kingsley too. It'd be nice to have something to celebrate before everything turns black again.
Hoping to see you soon,
yours,
Tonks.
Sirius’ death has affected my life like it's affected everyone else’s in The Order. I'm devastated by his loss, but my morale isn't waning. I'm as committed to our cause as ever. In fact, his death has made me even more determined to get rid my scum of an Aunt. I can barely hear her name without feeling my blood boil. Don't you dare suggest that I would give up on the Wizarding World like that! You think that it's Sirius' Death that is haunting me? I'd have thought that you had more intelligence than that, once being a Hogwarts Professor and all. It is you, Remus Lupin, who is tearing me apart.
Remus, I can’t pretend anymore. I love you. I know that the Dark Lord has returned, that War will soon begin and that the world is falling apart, and I still love you. The worst part is that you know that. You know that I love you, and that's why you wrote to me - but you can't change my feelings and you can't change yours either! I know you feel the same way. You can't just pretend like nothing's happened between us. It's an insult to me, to us, and what we had. What we still have.
I can’t think of anything but you and the times we shared together at Grimauld Place. I didn’t realise how much I'd miss you when we parted. I thought I could be stronger, but now that you're not here with me I just ache in a way I never knew I was capable of feeling. I’ve tried to eat, tried to sleep, I’ve tried to get on with my life as if nothing has changed but you've become a part of me and I fret over your safety day and night. I know it's irrational. You're an intelligent man - with far more experience in the Defence of the Dark Arts than a freshly trrained Auror - but I just wishI could be there fighting with you. I don't know why you insist on me staying at The Burrow with the Weasleys. That's not where I belong. At night I dream that somebody will kill you in battle and that I won’t be there to save you. Molly helps me. She encourages me to get on with day to day tasks, and if it wasn’t for her and the Weasley’s exceptional kindness I honestly don’t know where I would be. I sit by the window most days, hoping to see an Owl from you, praying that it won't be a message of your death. But then I remember that I am not your girlfriend, not your wife, not anything. Why would anyone send me a letter if anything happened to you? It's not right. I can't go on like this. I just can't.
When I see you next, I'll show you my Patronus. Its form has changed. It is now a large and rather shaggy wolf, a permanent symbol of my love for you even if you choose to ignore it. No matter how much hurt enters our lives, the love I feel for you will still remain. Remember exactly what you're fighting for Remus: love. Give in Remus. Be with me.
Please think of me whilst you're gone, and when things get hard remember what we share. I certainly will. Please find the time to visit soon. Molly wants to put on a large dinner for friends and family before the kids go off to school again. She wants to see you there - Mad-Eye and Kingsley too. It'd be nice to have something to celebrate before everything turns black again.
Hoping to see you soon,
yours,
Tonks.
Tonks,
Please don’t make me do this. You know I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to live your life to the fullest and remain the wonderful, lively young woman that I know you are. With me, you couldn’t be that same girl. I am far too old, far too poor, and far too troubled to ever be your love. I couldn’t put you through the life that I know you should have to live if you were to ever be my wife.
If it wasn’t for the Order of the Phoenix I quite frankly have no idea where my life would be headed. It was only through the kindness of Dumbledore that I managed to get a job as the Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts, and even then you can see how that turned out. Obtaining that post was the happiest day of my life. I loved being back in the castle. It brought back so many memories of when I would go out on little adventures with James and Sirius underneath James’ Invisibility Cloak… and the food was just as wonderful as I remembered it! For the first time in a long while I felt healthy and happy, in a place that I belonged. I should have known that this happiness couldn’t last. Word soon got out that I was a Werewolf, as word always gets around these days. Soon parents were writing to the school in shock that Dumbledore would employ such a ‘vicious beast’ to educate their children. This sort of discrimination is nothing that I haven’t heard before. I knew that the gig was up, and that I had to leave what I loved again. I hadn’t felt that lost since the death of my parents. It was like being forced to leave home all over again. When I think back to all of the awful things that have happened at Hogwarts since my departure, I can’t help but wonder if – had I still been Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor - any of it would have happened. I hope some of those parents wonder the same thing, and question why their children’s exam results are slipping. I had nothing but the best intentions and still, my blood betrayed me. I never asked to be a Werewolf. I never wanted any of this. I've been unemployed ever since.
Number 12 Grimauld Place has become a home for me. Since my parents' death, I've had nowhere to go, nowhere to reside permanently. Before Hogwarts, I spent most of my days in the depths of the London Underground at night along with my peers. I can't pretend to have enjoyed my life. Most Werewolves are regrettably not like me. There is not enough help for them, and so they spend their nights in hiding until the full moon rises, when they will change and slaughter. Some go mad in apprehension and, like Fenrir Greyback, start killing regardless of whether the full moon has risen. It's a grim life that I don't want you to be forced to live.
I want more for you than a life in hiding, with a husband who can't pay his way - and think of any children we bore. I couldn't ever risk passing on my affliction to a poor innocent child.
I love you Tonks, but I can't do this.
I'll try my best to attend the dinner with Mad-Eye and Kingsley. Send us the dates and times and we'll let you know.
Remus.
Please don’t make me do this. You know I don’t want to hurt you. I want you to live your life to the fullest and remain the wonderful, lively young woman that I know you are. With me, you couldn’t be that same girl. I am far too old, far too poor, and far too troubled to ever be your love. I couldn’t put you through the life that I know you should have to live if you were to ever be my wife.
If it wasn’t for the Order of the Phoenix I quite frankly have no idea where my life would be headed. It was only through the kindness of Dumbledore that I managed to get a job as the Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor at Hogwarts, and even then you can see how that turned out. Obtaining that post was the happiest day of my life. I loved being back in the castle. It brought back so many memories of when I would go out on little adventures with James and Sirius underneath James’ Invisibility Cloak… and the food was just as wonderful as I remembered it! For the first time in a long while I felt healthy and happy, in a place that I belonged. I should have known that this happiness couldn’t last. Word soon got out that I was a Werewolf, as word always gets around these days. Soon parents were writing to the school in shock that Dumbledore would employ such a ‘vicious beast’ to educate their children. This sort of discrimination is nothing that I haven’t heard before. I knew that the gig was up, and that I had to leave what I loved again. I hadn’t felt that lost since the death of my parents. It was like being forced to leave home all over again. When I think back to all of the awful things that have happened at Hogwarts since my departure, I can’t help but wonder if – had I still been Defence Against the Dark Arts Professor - any of it would have happened. I hope some of those parents wonder the same thing, and question why their children’s exam results are slipping. I had nothing but the best intentions and still, my blood betrayed me. I never asked to be a Werewolf. I never wanted any of this. I've been unemployed ever since.
Number 12 Grimauld Place has become a home for me. Since my parents' death, I've had nowhere to go, nowhere to reside permanently. Before Hogwarts, I spent most of my days in the depths of the London Underground at night along with my peers. I can't pretend to have enjoyed my life. Most Werewolves are regrettably not like me. There is not enough help for them, and so they spend their nights in hiding until the full moon rises, when they will change and slaughter. Some go mad in apprehension and, like Fenrir Greyback, start killing regardless of whether the full moon has risen. It's a grim life that I don't want you to be forced to live.
I want more for you than a life in hiding, with a husband who can't pay his way - and think of any children we bore. I couldn't ever risk passing on my affliction to a poor innocent child.
I love you Tonks, but I can't do this.
I'll try my best to attend the dinner with Mad-Eye and Kingsley. Send us the dates and times and we'll let you know.
Remus.